Just a lil update

I know you think I've fallen off the face of the earth. nah. just real busy. Here's my last month or so in a nutshell:

a quiz and 2 tests in A&P 1. Still pulling a 100 average. Whoohoo. My cousin Elizabeth ( a nurse ) says enjoy it while I can. That there will come a day when I will pray for a passing grade.

We bought a house. Forecloseure in Springville, 4 bedrooms, 1 bath; hardwood floors and crown moulding throughout. The house came to us for a song--quite literally. I am almost embarrassed at the thought of telling you how cheap it really was. You wouldn't believe me anyway. Let's just say it was CHEE-EAP.

We close on the house 3/13. Uh, Friday the 13th. I'm not superstitious. Only a little stitious.

We are ready to get settled in Springville and get going with this whole church plant thing.

I am very sad about leaving my little trailer in Odenville. Crissy told me we've lived there almost as long as they did. Oh dear...I know am going to cry when we move for real. Thank God we are only moving 8 miles away.

The house needs some work that my dad plans to help with: the kitchen is completely stripped and we have a laundry room to convert into a bathroom. We have a lot to do during spring break.

I need to catch up on LOST and the Office. Love me some LOST and Office drama.

I want to read Twilight again. And I need to let Karen borrow it too. Ugh, JoAnna, I need my book back! :o)

The church celebrated its 25th birthday with a huge 3-day party. It was a blast. And Kim and I got to sing again--so much fun!

We went to eat at the Cunningham's last weekend. It is so funny that I first met Karen at SEBC--she was my admissions' rep. Now we are in the same life stage and live only a couple miles apart.

My brother had a wreck last weekend on the way to work. I was so scared when I first read the text from my sister; something like: "Phil's been in a wreck. We are at UAB ER now. He is ok, but smashed face" Oh dear. He went off the road and overcorrected, losing control of the truck, and drove up on a bank and flipped the truck. Broke his nose and smashed his face, but he really was ok. Just looked awful. Thank God.

Did something I've never done before--sang karaoke with my brother (the same brother)Thursday night. Wow, that was fun. We sang "Bring me to life" by Evanescence, and then I sang "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson. As a karaoke connossieur (sp?), he said I did well and made him proud.

Memorizing bones is hard work. You think there are only 206 bones in the human body and everything's good right? uh, no. Every bone has an average of 10 places on it, and each one has its own name. And the skull alone has dozens of microscopic holes, depressions, and extensions....I think there were probably about 50 different things to name on the skull alone.

But I love to learn! It is a fun class and I am looking forward to more. Except for math.

I went yesterday to see my cousin's newborn twins (cousin mentioned above). Matthew and Isabella. They are sweet babies. I am happy for her, she's waited 12 years to have children.

Ugh. Hadn't checked email and FB in over a week. 143 emails. Mostly trash, but a couple of important ones. My friend Alison from CA is coming to visit at some point, but between my busyness and hers, we may have to put it off til May. That's ok, I really want her to come after we've gotten the new house ready.

I will post pics of the house as soon as I can. I am so not good with a camera. I am one of those people who doesn't like to take pics at an event because I find it bothersome and it takes away from the enjoyment of the event. Strange, I know.

Hung out with my sister today too. She is missing her husband, who is in the Marines and in school right now in North Carolina. pray for her when you think about it. She and I went to judge a music festival this morning, then had Chick fil A. Good times.

Sat and ate pizza and watched Shrek 1 with my kids last night. We haven't done that in I don't know how long, and it was fun.

Oh well, guess I better get up and get the kids ready for bed/church tomorrow. I have nursery.
'night.

lil lazy today

Ok, got off facebook so I could get up and get something done. But it's just not happening yet.

Ok, Frank and I officially rock in Human Anatomy and Physiology I. It is going great!--made 25/25 on the first quiz, and 17/15 on the second quiz. oh yeah baby, got us some bonus points! Exam on Thursday? hah! bring it on!!
Well, seriously, we did do some major studying over the weekend. But, I am feeling a tad better about taking the class and getting into nursing school. Thank you God. And I have to say it is kind of fun to study with the same person you've gone to school with since the 3rd grade.

Steven is sick again. Bless his heart, it's always going to be him. I know it has nothing to do with that flu shot he got last Friday, along with the combo of MMR and chicken pox shots. I know they (you know, that infinite and nebulous crowd of people whose opinions matter, and whom you always refer to when trying to make a point) say that the flu shot doesn't make you sick.
And they will probably tell me that in nursing school, too. But why is it that I'm always running into people who started feeling icky after the flu shot? Some full-blown icky, and others only a little. Also, I picked up the vaccine info folder in the dr's office while we were waiting, and read that the flu shot can make you feel icky. And there you have it, folks. Straight from the horse's mouth. I'm just sayin'.

I heard from four California friends in the past couple of weeks. That makes me very happy. Jackie called, Deannah and Emily emailed, and Heather sent me a message on facebook. And they were all substantial, fun talks--not just "hey, how are you?". thank you friends! I miss you and love you too. Deannah just started a blog, "Pretty Much Fabulous", and I've posted the link to the left. Check it out....she's pretty fun, if I do say so myself.

The talent show is coming up. They want me and Kim to pull together the Wicked song we did last year. Sort of "the best of the best show". It should be fun. (Note to self: call Kim and make sure that's ok with her. Kim, if you're reading this, please call or fb me and let me know if that works for you.)

I am wrestling with the thought of giving up teaching after this semester. So many different directions to go. I really am ok with giving up teaching. I enjoy it very much, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to parent when I work M-F in the afternoons and evenings. We are making it work with the homeschool and everything, but I'm about ready to be done with the stress and the no room to give. You know, like a tight pair of pants with no give? that's the way our lives are right now. And ultimately my husband and children are far higher on the priority list than my students. (although you know I love you all very much!) I feel like I'm not able to do anything very well, b/c I'm doing too much of everything. Right now the plan is, if we get into nursing school, we will put the boys into public school. Which I am totally ok with. I am NOT diehard homeschool. It was just the best option for us since I was teaching at night.

But you know the thing that makes me the saddest about not teaching anymore? It's not the teaching, really. It's the relationships that I've made. Yeah, funny isn't it? I started thinking and praying about it, and realized that I would miss the friendships I've made more than the actual teaching, lol. Which actually makes me feel much better about giving it up; because I know God is continually bringing people in and out of our lives to help us grow. It's just part of life that things change. I learned that first-hand from living in California and leaving the friends I made there. But, I also learned that you really don't lose them, thank goodness. We always have the internet, phones, airplanes, etc. So it really will be ok. And I have to say, I am not getting the teacher burnout that I usually start to get about now--because I know that I should enjoy it while I can. So I think I will.

I've been asked if I will keep on a few students. I don't know if I will or not. I would really like for Rachel to come home next year; take a break from school, and teach for awhile. Because I think she would make a fabulous teacher. And then she could take my students. (hint hint. *grin*) But we'll see. God may be leading her other directions as well. I do know that if I get too busy with school and work--I plan to take a job at the hospital so I can get $$ help with nursing school--teaching will be the first thing to go. My family is too important to sacrifice. Frankie asked me just the other day why he didn't get to see me as much as he wanted. Sorry to admit he had a point...I'm on the go so much that I don't spend as much time with the boys as I need to. So that will change come the beginning of May, when teaching is over. The boys have already been asking me about Spring Valley Beach, and I am excited about having the summer with them to play and have fun before they start at Odenville in the fall.

So, yeah, just a lazy Saturday. Thanks for sharing part of it with me. ttyl.

Wade in the water

Both literally and figuratively.

A little bummed the rain came back. ugh. I guess I should be glad we're not in drought mode anymore. Out in California they are enjoying the lovely Santa Ana winds. If I were there, my hair would look real good about now.

Also, can I just say, my feelings are a tad hurt that gas has gone back up 30 cents? I know I should be thinking, well at least it's still in the $1.60's. But..I guess my underlying fear is what if it creeps all the way back up to the $4's?

Wading in the water figuratively too...getting my feet wet....with a little class at Jeff State called Human Anatomy and Physiology 1, aka, Biology 201. hmmmm....you ask why? well, to see if I want to get into the nursing program. Long story short, a bunch of what ifs got answered, and so now getting my feet wet is a good idea. If I (that is, we--Frank is taking the class too), do well, then we should be on track to apply for nursing school next spring.

So, madly trying to memorize medical/latin prefix/vocab words for Tuesday's quiz--which, surprisingly enough, are easier than I thought. About half of them actually make sense, such as, aqua--water, calor--heat, cardi--heart, etc. Had our first class and lab on Thursday, and it was actually kinda fun. Anatomy seems to be more interesting than regular old h/s biology. I guess I wasn't really into all the plants and stuff. The only thing that will be intimidating is the microscope stuff. Identifying specimens under a microscope is scary and intimidating...especially since everything looks the same! Heather is very encouraging though, and says that we'll get it, not to worry. um. yeah. ok.

I'll let you know how we do.

Doing ok with the grief thing. It comes and goes. I'm sure it would be even worse if I'd lost an 'already born' child or my husband. Every day has sad and happy moments. I appreciate my family more and am striving to show them in tangible ways. I am trying to be more patient and caring with the kids--and every day has its struggles, but they are much more precious to me since losing the baby. You never know how long you will be able to savor being with the people you love--enjoy it.
Having a real problem sleeping. The day is fine--staying busy is easy. But I lie down at night to sleep and my mind won't shut off. Rebecca warned me about that. Pray if you think about it. Laura recommended soothing music and promised to bring me some. I will try it.
Still have a hard time seeing a pregnant person or a baby. It's an instant physical reaction, a twisting in my gut; of sadness and grief. Today in Walmart, I walked by the baby section (accidentally) and saw the car seats on display. Immediately I was sad, because we'd planned to get a new car seat because our old one was too old. So, the moments come and go. Every day gets a tiny bit easier, and I can see more measurable progress every week. I'm sure it'll always be a poignant subject for me.
But if you are pregnant or have a small baby, don't be feel bad! I still love you. It's just a sad moment for me.

Went back to work this week. I'd considered taking the week off, but felt up to it when the time came. It was good, but draining. I was glad when Saturday got here!

Got some good study time in for the class today, and it just feels weird to be taking a class 6 years after college. I worry if I've still "got it". we'll see.

Leaving you with a verse that brings comfort to me. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Heavy Metal and White Russians

One of my voice students is in a band, and I'd been wanting to go see one of her shows. She has a very pretty voice, kinda like the girl from Evanescence, and her style is hard rock 'n roll. They had a show last night at a bar down on Southside, so I went. Took my brother for moral support, as he is now legal, and Frank had to work. I like to support my students whenever I can...
plus I felt the need to get out.

It was pretty good. It was definitely head-banger music. I hate that the singer is always at a disadvantage with that kind of music--you usually can't make out the words because of the heavy metal sound, with the guitars and drums. And the singer generally has to yell, partly because of the style, and partly just to be heard. Sigh. There's just no way that the human voice can compete with that kind of electronic sound. Luckily, I knew the words to most of the songs because we've been working on them in voice lessons. My brother and I had a discussion about it; he goes to hear a lot of bands and sings karaoke every weekend (yes, he is a great singer and gets lots of requests! :) so...he said the band was very good, which made me proud of my student of course.

While we were there, I decided to try something new to drink. I like fru-fru drinks that generally have a hint of alchohol, and are mostly, well, you know, fru-fru. Like wine coolers and fruity drinks. With that in mind, my bro recommended a White Russian. Don't ask how he knows so much about kinds of drinks. Anyway, Bailey's, Vodka, mixed with milk and ice. Sounds yummy right? I asked him if they would think I was dumb if I asked them to hold the vodka and just double the Bailey's, heehee. (not much of a vodka fan). He said, um. yes. And looked at me like, please don't embarrass me. Oh all right. I was a little worried about the milk thing because I am lactose intolerant, but he told me that he also has a problem with milk, and that the alchohol mixed with the milk seems to take away the intolerant problem. So I decided to try it. It was decent, or so I thought. Then I let Phillip taste it, and he thought it was rather weak. (which was fine with me.) It WAS a little weak, mostly the taste of watery milk with a tiny hint of Bailey's in there somewhere. He declared that they'd completely left the vodka out. oh good. I was there for the music anyhow and wanted to buy one drink to support the venue. Plus, I was planning to drive us back home. Couldn't have afforded another one anyway, as the drinks were 7 bucks apeice, plus tip! Ugh. You can tell I don't buy drinks out very often. Phillip got a
Long Island Iced Tea, which tasted a lot better than mine, but had a lot more alchohol in it too.

Well, I am pleased to say that the White Russian didn't make my stomach hurt. Not immediately that is. Oh dear. Bout 6 o'clock this morning, it hit me. and I got to spend a lot of time in the library with the porcelain furniture...oh well, live and learn, I guess. I think I'll stick with a wine cooler next time. do they even serve those in bars?.....But, it was a lot of fun to hang with my brother, whom I don't see that often. And to see a pretty good heavy-metal show.

getting a little better

Today has been ok. I keep thinking about getting on facebook and doing the little comment: "Amber is..." but I am too many things...

So, I guess I'll blog instead.

Amber is...

1. Missing the baby kicking.

2. Glad that the baby is with Jesus. I like what Maja says: "that's my perfect child. I don't have to worry about that one."

3. Thankful for all the food. It has been wonderful not to have to worry about cooking at a time like this. Thank you friends!

4. Thankful to have so many friends who care. Who know that although they may not be able to understand, they know how to say I'm sorry and I love you. That is all that matters.

5. Thankful for a loving/caring mother.

6. Happy about the fact that I have my husband and 2 boys. I guess it IS a blessing that I seem to be able to carry to full term w/o too many problems. Dr. Adcock told me that my odds for being another statistic in the future are still slim to none. He is not worried about future pregnancies.

7. Going to wait awhile to have another baby. Although the doc is optimistic, I feel the need to give myself time to recover emotionally. This was different than a first-trimester miscarriage for a number of reasons. The baby was more real to me; I'd been feeling kicks for several weeks, and when we had the ultra sound, it LOOKED like a real baby on the screen. I've had 2 other miscarriages aside from this one, and let me tell you, they were not NEARLY as devastating as this one. And it was even more terrible because it was completely unexpected.

8. Sad they couldn't determine the baby's gender. I chose not to name the baby for that reason. I prayed God to name the baby instead.

9. Not going to take the anti-depressant medication. I'd asked for it, because I know that I suffer from post-partum depression, and I knew this situation might be worse because there was no baby to bring home. But, I feel your prayers. It HAS been difficult; it has not been unbearable. (although a couple days there were questionable.) I took the medication one day, and I swear, the side effects were worse than being sad/depressed. I didn't like the way it made me feel out of control, so I am trusting the Lord to bring me through this without medication.

10. Tired of being fat. Have been instructed to wait 1 week after surgery to resume normal activities due to surgery and extensive blood loss. I have been taking it easy, but am ready to get back to excercising. Which I know will help with depression too.

11. Glad for OBGYN South and Brookwood's Women's Center. All of those folks are great. Dr. A is the best, and the nurses especially ministered to me that day. It helped that they had all obviously read my chart and knew why I was there. Their kindness and compassion really made my hospital visit much more bearable.

12. Contemplating a career change and praying for God's guidance.

13. Reading John Piper's God is the Gospel. Great and encouraging read.

14. Is glad that the terrible headache is gone. I came home from the hospital with the worst headache I've ever had, and thought I was having a reaction to the medication. Instead it was caused by extensive blood loss. Dr told me to take 2 percocet and 1 motrin 800 at the same time!!! um, that definitely helped. Was really afraid that I'd get addicted to the percocet, but so far have not taken it in 2 days and feel fine.

15. Going to try to make it to Christmas Eve Service. Physically and emotionally was not ready for Sunday, but every day is getting a little easier, so we'll see. I miss you all.

16. Enjoying watching re-runs of "The Office" on Netflix. That is one funny show. I think what makes it so funny is that I've worked in offices before, and although the characters are a little exaggerated, they're not that far from the truth! It's been nice to sit with Frank and watch these stupid sit-coms...nice to be able to laugh at the silliness, and know that life still keeps going...

17. Worried about planning the boys' birthday party. Their birthdays are 12/30 and 01/01; Steven wants Pump it UP, and Frankie wants something to do with Star Wars/Clone Wars. Ugh. Just don't know if I have it in me to plan something big. We'll see. Maybe I should put it off a couple weeks into January? hmm...

Happy Anniversary

Today is our 10th anniversary. Been quite a day--week, actually.

But I wanted to say that I didn't forget, amidst all the other stuff.

To Frank:

Thanks for being there for me, babe, through thick and thin, sickness and health. Thanks for being my rock. I am sorry from one grieving person to another the loss we have suffered this week and the ones in the past. I am glad that we've had each other and that we have the boys. Maybe through God's grace we'll get through this one too, and live to celebrate our 11th, 12th, 20th--well why not? let's just shoot for 50 or 60. Thanks for being my Edward. Who else would get up every 4 hours and make sure I had my meds and some food to take it with in case my stomach was upset? Who else would help me clean up after surgery, ugh? Who else would hold me while we both cry and fall into exhausted sleep? Nobody but you. I love you. Happy Anniversary.

going to the hospital now

I'd also wanted to post on facebook before we leave, but it is "temporarily unavailable due to site maintenance and will be back on in a few hours." argh. Don't they know that people need to post at 6:30 a.m.? I guess I have nothing to say, since it is a FREE service, haha.

Just wanted to say thank you for your love and prayers. We've gotten so many phone calls, fb postings and emails. We love you too, and we are thankful for the Body. It IS a hard time, but God will bring us through it.

We are leaving for the hospital now. Wow. Had no idea I'd be going to the hospital 4 months early. Dang. It is so hard not to bring a baby back home! why do I have to have meals brought to me now? I wanted them the first week in May! I keep seeing my baby on that screen and wishing/praying that he would have moved, just a little. He was like a perfectly formed doll...head was already headed to the right proportion to the body, with legs and arms curled just so. I like to think that it was a boy, but only the Lord really knows. Dr. Adcock warned me that we probably would not be able to find out gender, even after it's over. Nor will we be able to definitively say exactly how/why he died. I may only find out after this life, and by then, it probably won't matter.

I may never know... Only God does and he has not given it to me to know. I keep trying to trust that he is good and loving and I know that we live in a fallen world. It still sucks though.

To God be the glory.