Something's been floating around in my head bothering me lately, so I think I'll get it off my chest and feel better. I know you understand.
I am not a good picture taker. I have not taken nearly enough pictures of my children. Then I think 'what's enough'? I went back to work not long after Steven was born and had suffered post-partum depression mess, so I just didn't care for awhile. Another part of me doesn't consider myself a good photographer, and it's an insecurity--therefore an excuse to not take pictures. Also, every time I go to use the digital camera, I've used it so infrequently that I can't remember how to get the pics onto the computer once I've taken the pictures, can't remember how to charge the stupid thing when it's going dead, and can barely remember how to turn the dang thing on.
But something got me thinking the other day. I've finally got our home in order and pulled out all the pictures we had stored while away and put them back out. Steven went around to see all of them and kept asking me: "mama, is that one me? is that one me?" over and over. And I saw that most of them are of Frankie! Agh! A terrible sense of guilt washed over me as I realized that I have slighted Steven by not taking any pictures (or as many) of him. What's bad is his babyhood is a little blurry to me as we were trying to get enough money to go to school and I was working sometimes 50 or 60 hours a week. Frank pretty much was raising the boys during that time. (Thank God that time is over!)
So I went into the cedar chest and pulled out every picture of Steven I could find and framed about 4 pictures and set them out. Even the newborn picture. When they get home from grandparents on Saturday I plan to take him around and show him all his pictures.
Anyway, I have a renewed sense of duty to my youngest to make sure he knows that he is loved as much as his brother. Even if I have to resort to good 'ol archaic film camera. I know how to use those! Anyway, y'all gotta help keep me accountable.
thanks.
4 comments:
Two thoughts:
1. Steven needs affirmation, we know that. You hug him and kiss him and speak gently to him because of that.
2. Make sure that in the process of that, you don't help him create an idol. He can, even at this age, learn to rely on God's love for him.
Hullo, you blogged! Give yourself a break about the photos, there's still PLENTY of TIME. Think about how many baby pictures you have, or maybe your little sister has (her being the last). And the generation before ours. I'll bet I've seen only a handful of my mother as a child and she was the first of five!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with using the old fashioned camera! My mother in law uses hers and loves it because she knows what she's doing. And has no desire for a digital camera. The only thing I like about my digital camera is sharing the pics over email. It takes a while to automatically focus, not to mention it is old. O, and the battery dies after it has been on for 5 minutes. Cut yourself some slack, your babies know you love them, with or without pictures.
You could set up a fun picture day with Kim the photographer!
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