One of my voice students is in a band, and I'd been wanting to go see one of her shows. She has a very pretty voice, kinda like the girl from Evanescence, and her style is hard rock 'n roll. They had a show last night at a bar down on Southside, so I went. Took my brother for moral support, as he is now legal, and Frank had to work. I like to support my students whenever I can...
plus I felt the need to get out.
It was pretty good. It was definitely head-banger music. I hate that the singer is always at a disadvantage with that kind of music--you usually can't make out the words because of the heavy metal sound, with the guitars and drums. And the singer generally has to yell, partly because of the style, and partly just to be heard. Sigh. There's just no way that the human voice can compete with that kind of electronic sound. Luckily, I knew the words to most of the songs because we've been working on them in voice lessons. My brother and I had a discussion about it; he goes to hear a lot of bands and sings karaoke every weekend (yes, he is a great singer and gets lots of requests! :) so...he said the band was very good, which made me proud of my student of course.
While we were there, I decided to try something new to drink. I like fru-fru drinks that generally have a hint of alchohol, and are mostly, well, you know, fru-fru. Like wine coolers and fruity drinks. With that in mind, my bro recommended a White Russian. Don't ask how he knows so much about kinds of drinks. Anyway, Bailey's, Vodka, mixed with milk and ice. Sounds yummy right? I asked him if they would think I was dumb if I asked them to hold the vodka and just double the Bailey's, heehee. (not much of a vodka fan). He said, um. yes. And looked at me like, please don't embarrass me. Oh all right. I was a little worried about the milk thing because I am lactose intolerant, but he told me that he also has a problem with milk, and that the alchohol mixed with the milk seems to take away the intolerant problem. So I decided to try it. It was decent, or so I thought. Then I let Phillip taste it, and he thought it was rather weak. (which was fine with me.) It WAS a little weak, mostly the taste of watery milk with a tiny hint of Bailey's in there somewhere. He declared that they'd completely left the vodka out. oh good. I was there for the music anyhow and wanted to buy one drink to support the venue. Plus, I was planning to drive us back home. Couldn't have afforded another one anyway, as the drinks were 7 bucks apeice, plus tip! Ugh. You can tell I don't buy drinks out very often. Phillip got a
Long Island Iced Tea, which tasted a lot better than mine, but had a lot more alchohol in it too.
Well, I am pleased to say that the White Russian didn't make my stomach hurt. Not immediately that is. Oh dear. Bout 6 o'clock this morning, it hit me. and I got to spend a lot of time in the library with the porcelain furniture...oh well, live and learn, I guess. I think I'll stick with a wine cooler next time. do they even serve those in bars?.....But, it was a lot of fun to hang with my brother, whom I don't see that often. And to see a pretty good heavy-metal show.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
getting a little better
Today has been ok. I keep thinking about getting on facebook and doing the little comment: "Amber is..." but I am too many things...
So, I guess I'll blog instead.
Amber is...
1. Missing the baby kicking.
2. Glad that the baby is with Jesus. I like what Maja says: "that's my perfect child. I don't have to worry about that one."
3. Thankful for all the food. It has been wonderful not to have to worry about cooking at a time like this. Thank you friends!
4. Thankful to have so many friends who care. Who know that although they may not be able to understand, they know how to say I'm sorry and I love you. That is all that matters.
5. Thankful for a loving/caring mother.
6. Happy about the fact that I have my husband and 2 boys. I guess it IS a blessing that I seem to be able to carry to full term w/o too many problems. Dr. Adcock told me that my odds for being another statistic in the future are still slim to none. He is not worried about future pregnancies.
7. Going to wait awhile to have another baby. Although the doc is optimistic, I feel the need to give myself time to recover emotionally. This was different than a first-trimester miscarriage for a number of reasons. The baby was more real to me; I'd been feeling kicks for several weeks, and when we had the ultra sound, it LOOKED like a real baby on the screen. I've had 2 other miscarriages aside from this one, and let me tell you, they were not NEARLY as devastating as this one. And it was even more terrible because it was completely unexpected.
8. Sad they couldn't determine the baby's gender. I chose not to name the baby for that reason. I prayed God to name the baby instead.
9. Not going to take the anti-depressant medication. I'd asked for it, because I know that I suffer from post-partum depression, and I knew this situation might be worse because there was no baby to bring home. But, I feel your prayers. It HAS been difficult; it has not been unbearable. (although a couple days there were questionable.) I took the medication one day, and I swear, the side effects were worse than being sad/depressed. I didn't like the way it made me feel out of control, so I am trusting the Lord to bring me through this without medication.
10. Tired of being fat. Have been instructed to wait 1 week after surgery to resume normal activities due to surgery and extensive blood loss. I have been taking it easy, but am ready to get back to excercising. Which I know will help with depression too.
11. Glad for OBGYN South and Brookwood's Women's Center. All of those folks are great. Dr. A is the best, and the nurses especially ministered to me that day. It helped that they had all obviously read my chart and knew why I was there. Their kindness and compassion really made my hospital visit much more bearable.
12. Contemplating a career change and praying for God's guidance.
13. Reading John Piper's God is the Gospel. Great and encouraging read.
14. Is glad that the terrible headache is gone. I came home from the hospital with the worst headache I've ever had, and thought I was having a reaction to the medication. Instead it was caused by extensive blood loss. Dr told me to take 2 percocet and 1 motrin 800 at the same time!!! um, that definitely helped. Was really afraid that I'd get addicted to the percocet, but so far have not taken it in 2 days and feel fine.
15. Going to try to make it to Christmas Eve Service. Physically and emotionally was not ready for Sunday, but every day is getting a little easier, so we'll see. I miss you all.
16. Enjoying watching re-runs of "The Office" on Netflix. That is one funny show. I think what makes it so funny is that I've worked in offices before, and although the characters are a little exaggerated, they're not that far from the truth! It's been nice to sit with Frank and watch these stupid sit-coms...nice to be able to laugh at the silliness, and know that life still keeps going...
17. Worried about planning the boys' birthday party. Their birthdays are 12/30 and 01/01; Steven wants Pump it UP, and Frankie wants something to do with Star Wars/Clone Wars. Ugh. Just don't know if I have it in me to plan something big. We'll see. Maybe I should put it off a couple weeks into January? hmm...
So, I guess I'll blog instead.
Amber is...
1. Missing the baby kicking.
2. Glad that the baby is with Jesus. I like what Maja says: "that's my perfect child. I don't have to worry about that one."
3. Thankful for all the food. It has been wonderful not to have to worry about cooking at a time like this. Thank you friends!
4. Thankful to have so many friends who care. Who know that although they may not be able to understand, they know how to say I'm sorry and I love you. That is all that matters.
5. Thankful for a loving/caring mother.
6. Happy about the fact that I have my husband and 2 boys. I guess it IS a blessing that I seem to be able to carry to full term w/o too many problems. Dr. Adcock told me that my odds for being another statistic in the future are still slim to none. He is not worried about future pregnancies.
7. Going to wait awhile to have another baby. Although the doc is optimistic, I feel the need to give myself time to recover emotionally. This was different than a first-trimester miscarriage for a number of reasons. The baby was more real to me; I'd been feeling kicks for several weeks, and when we had the ultra sound, it LOOKED like a real baby on the screen. I've had 2 other miscarriages aside from this one, and let me tell you, they were not NEARLY as devastating as this one. And it was even more terrible because it was completely unexpected.
8. Sad they couldn't determine the baby's gender. I chose not to name the baby for that reason. I prayed God to name the baby instead.
9. Not going to take the anti-depressant medication. I'd asked for it, because I know that I suffer from post-partum depression, and I knew this situation might be worse because there was no baby to bring home. But, I feel your prayers. It HAS been difficult; it has not been unbearable. (although a couple days there were questionable.) I took the medication one day, and I swear, the side effects were worse than being sad/depressed. I didn't like the way it made me feel out of control, so I am trusting the Lord to bring me through this without medication.
10. Tired of being fat. Have been instructed to wait 1 week after surgery to resume normal activities due to surgery and extensive blood loss. I have been taking it easy, but am ready to get back to excercising. Which I know will help with depression too.
11. Glad for OBGYN South and Brookwood's Women's Center. All of those folks are great. Dr. A is the best, and the nurses especially ministered to me that day. It helped that they had all obviously read my chart and knew why I was there. Their kindness and compassion really made my hospital visit much more bearable.
12. Contemplating a career change and praying for God's guidance.
13. Reading John Piper's God is the Gospel. Great and encouraging read.
14. Is glad that the terrible headache is gone. I came home from the hospital with the worst headache I've ever had, and thought I was having a reaction to the medication. Instead it was caused by extensive blood loss. Dr told me to take 2 percocet and 1 motrin 800 at the same time!!! um, that definitely helped. Was really afraid that I'd get addicted to the percocet, but so far have not taken it in 2 days and feel fine.
15. Going to try to make it to Christmas Eve Service. Physically and emotionally was not ready for Sunday, but every day is getting a little easier, so we'll see. I miss you all.
16. Enjoying watching re-runs of "The Office" on Netflix. That is one funny show. I think what makes it so funny is that I've worked in offices before, and although the characters are a little exaggerated, they're not that far from the truth! It's been nice to sit with Frank and watch these stupid sit-coms...nice to be able to laugh at the silliness, and know that life still keeps going...
17. Worried about planning the boys' birthday party. Their birthdays are 12/30 and 01/01; Steven wants Pump it UP, and Frankie wants something to do with Star Wars/Clone Wars. Ugh. Just don't know if I have it in me to plan something big. We'll see. Maybe I should put it off a couple weeks into January? hmm...
Friday, December 19, 2008
Happy Anniversary
Today is our 10th anniversary. Been quite a day--week, actually.
But I wanted to say that I didn't forget, amidst all the other stuff.
To Frank:
Thanks for being there for me, babe, through thick and thin, sickness and health. Thanks for being my rock. I am sorry from one grieving person to another the loss we have suffered this week and the ones in the past. I am glad that we've had each other and that we have the boys. Maybe through God's grace we'll get through this one too, and live to celebrate our 11th, 12th, 20th--well why not? let's just shoot for 50 or 60. Thanks for being my Edward. Who else would get up every 4 hours and make sure I had my meds and some food to take it with in case my stomach was upset? Who else would help me clean up after surgery, ugh? Who else would hold me while we both cry and fall into exhausted sleep? Nobody but you. I love you. Happy Anniversary.
But I wanted to say that I didn't forget, amidst all the other stuff.
To Frank:
Thanks for being there for me, babe, through thick and thin, sickness and health. Thanks for being my rock. I am sorry from one grieving person to another the loss we have suffered this week and the ones in the past. I am glad that we've had each other and that we have the boys. Maybe through God's grace we'll get through this one too, and live to celebrate our 11th, 12th, 20th--well why not? let's just shoot for 50 or 60. Thanks for being my Edward. Who else would get up every 4 hours and make sure I had my meds and some food to take it with in case my stomach was upset? Who else would help me clean up after surgery, ugh? Who else would hold me while we both cry and fall into exhausted sleep? Nobody but you. I love you. Happy Anniversary.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
going to the hospital now
I'd also wanted to post on facebook before we leave, but it is "temporarily unavailable due to site maintenance and will be back on in a few hours." argh. Don't they know that people need to post at 6:30 a.m.? I guess I have nothing to say, since it is a FREE service, haha.
Just wanted to say thank you for your love and prayers. We've gotten so many phone calls, fb postings and emails. We love you too, and we are thankful for the Body. It IS a hard time, but God will bring us through it.
We are leaving for the hospital now. Wow. Had no idea I'd be going to the hospital 4 months early. Dang. It is so hard not to bring a baby back home! why do I have to have meals brought to me now? I wanted them the first week in May! I keep seeing my baby on that screen and wishing/praying that he would have moved, just a little. He was like a perfectly formed doll...head was already headed to the right proportion to the body, with legs and arms curled just so. I like to think that it was a boy, but only the Lord really knows. Dr. Adcock warned me that we probably would not be able to find out gender, even after it's over. Nor will we be able to definitively say exactly how/why he died. I may only find out after this life, and by then, it probably won't matter.
I may never know... Only God does and he has not given it to me to know. I keep trying to trust that he is good and loving and I know that we live in a fallen world. It still sucks though.
To God be the glory.
Just wanted to say thank you for your love and prayers. We've gotten so many phone calls, fb postings and emails. We love you too, and we are thankful for the Body. It IS a hard time, but God will bring us through it.
We are leaving for the hospital now. Wow. Had no idea I'd be going to the hospital 4 months early. Dang. It is so hard not to bring a baby back home! why do I have to have meals brought to me now? I wanted them the first week in May! I keep seeing my baby on that screen and wishing/praying that he would have moved, just a little. He was like a perfectly formed doll...head was already headed to the right proportion to the body, with legs and arms curled just so. I like to think that it was a boy, but only the Lord really knows. Dr. Adcock warned me that we probably would not be able to find out gender, even after it's over. Nor will we be able to definitively say exactly how/why he died. I may only find out after this life, and by then, it probably won't matter.
I may never know... Only God does and he has not given it to me to know. I keep trying to trust that he is good and loving and I know that we live in a fallen world. It still sucks though.
To God be the glory.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Sad News
Just wanted to let you know that we received some sad news today. We went for our ultrasound appt and found that the baby is no longer viable, and has been gone since 16 1/2 weeks, even though my dates say 19 weeks. The doctors are not sure what the problem was, only that it was probably not genetic, but an issue with the umbilical cord being tangled or knotted. Needless to say, we are grieving pretty hard; also, we were not able to tell the gender, which I was personally sad about as well. I go in for surgery Thursday morning. I would appreciate your prayers. Thanks. Love you all.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Return to the Land of the Living
Ok, I'm back. (Cousin Kevin, this is for you). And for all the people who've posted a link to my blog on their blogs. I kinda owe them, you know? Plus it's just time.
Lot going on. Most of which is: I am NOT SICK ANYMORE, YIPPEEEEEE. Part of my haitus from blogging is that I have been pregnancy sick. but no more--going on 19 weeks now and feeling pretty good. We find out gender on Tuesday 9 a.m. I will post on blog and FB as soon as I can get to a computer and the internet. Just so you know, I am predicting a boy based solely on the heartbeat. No, not because it is a specific rate unto itself, but because it matches the heartrates of my other 2 boys. This one is 156/minute and the other 2 were in the 150's. But I guess we'll know for sure on Tuesday. We already have the names picked out; one or the other, but I'll share after we know. Due date is May 12, but I also predict that I won't make it to that date. My experience with labor is that it gets faster each time. With the first it lasted 8 hours, the 2nd was 4 hours....so....if we stay on the present course, does that mean the next labor will be 2 hours? I would like to think so, except please let me make it to the hospital in time for some pain meds. My kids also come about 10 days early. I never make it to 40 weeks. We'll see.
Been working a lot. I have a great job teaching voice and piano. If I have to work, I'd rather do that than anything else in the world. It is draining, yet energizing at the same time. I come home tired, and some days are better than others, but it is what I am made to do. I'm also doing a p/t data entry job where I drive around the greater Birmingham area, collect building permit information from all the city halls (13 in all) and data enter the information, which is then compiled into a report, and the report is sold to companies like Home Depot and Lowes. Then these companies can know how to market to their target areas. Pretty interesting. But another reason to keep me from the internet world. I added it up, and between the 2 jobs, I am working 40-45 hours/week. But it is work I enjoy, so it's not so bad.
Recently set up a facebook account. Wow. how addictive is that. But, a lot of fun!
Got LOTS to do during Christmas break. It's my last free 2 weeks before the baby comes as I want to teach until about 2 weeks before the due date....which means at that point I could come anytime. But Kim and Crissy are going to come over and help me get it done. thank God for friends who help pregnant friends get their lists accomplished! if you are reading this and are in the area and aren't doing anything Monday the 22nd, feel free to come on over...
Frank is working as a patient care assistant at St Vincent's East (aka Medical Center East). It is interesting. I think he likes the job ok, but it can be stressful. It's weird to have a 7 on/7 off schedule. He works the night shift, so on his "on" week, he pretty much works and sleeps. But on his off week, he basically has a week off. Pretty neat, although I think he's going to look for some p/t work to bring in a little extra $$.
We joined Community Pres a few weeks ago. Yey! Finally. Just took us a little while to work thru the doctrine, as neither one of us were raised with reformed theology. But after 16 months of attending the church, along with Bible studies and sunday school, we really believe this is where God wants us to be. And I LOVE the church family. None of us are perfect, but they really come alongside us and encourage us in our growth. Now we are wanting to help with a church plant in Springville, which is where Frank and I would like to one day live. (after student debt is paid off, of course.)
ok there's prob a lot more catch up to do, but it's not going to happen tonight. Going to bed now....
Lot going on. Most of which is: I am NOT SICK ANYMORE, YIPPEEEEEE. Part of my haitus from blogging is that I have been pregnancy sick. but no more--going on 19 weeks now and feeling pretty good. We find out gender on Tuesday 9 a.m. I will post on blog and FB as soon as I can get to a computer and the internet. Just so you know, I am predicting a boy based solely on the heartbeat. No, not because it is a specific rate unto itself, but because it matches the heartrates of my other 2 boys. This one is 156/minute and the other 2 were in the 150's. But I guess we'll know for sure on Tuesday. We already have the names picked out; one or the other, but I'll share after we know. Due date is May 12, but I also predict that I won't make it to that date. My experience with labor is that it gets faster each time. With the first it lasted 8 hours, the 2nd was 4 hours....so....if we stay on the present course, does that mean the next labor will be 2 hours? I would like to think so, except please let me make it to the hospital in time for some pain meds. My kids also come about 10 days early. I never make it to 40 weeks. We'll see.
Been working a lot. I have a great job teaching voice and piano. If I have to work, I'd rather do that than anything else in the world. It is draining, yet energizing at the same time. I come home tired, and some days are better than others, but it is what I am made to do. I'm also doing a p/t data entry job where I drive around the greater Birmingham area, collect building permit information from all the city halls (13 in all) and data enter the information, which is then compiled into a report, and the report is sold to companies like Home Depot and Lowes. Then these companies can know how to market to their target areas. Pretty interesting. But another reason to keep me from the internet world. I added it up, and between the 2 jobs, I am working 40-45 hours/week. But it is work I enjoy, so it's not so bad.
Recently set up a facebook account. Wow. how addictive is that. But, a lot of fun!
Got LOTS to do during Christmas break. It's my last free 2 weeks before the baby comes as I want to teach until about 2 weeks before the due date....which means at that point I could come anytime. But Kim and Crissy are going to come over and help me get it done. thank God for friends who help pregnant friends get their lists accomplished! if you are reading this and are in the area and aren't doing anything Monday the 22nd, feel free to come on over...
Frank is working as a patient care assistant at St Vincent's East (aka Medical Center East). It is interesting. I think he likes the job ok, but it can be stressful. It's weird to have a 7 on/7 off schedule. He works the night shift, so on his "on" week, he pretty much works and sleeps. But on his off week, he basically has a week off. Pretty neat, although I think he's going to look for some p/t work to bring in a little extra $$.
We joined Community Pres a few weeks ago. Yey! Finally. Just took us a little while to work thru the doctrine, as neither one of us were raised with reformed theology. But after 16 months of attending the church, along with Bible studies and sunday school, we really believe this is where God wants us to be. And I LOVE the church family. None of us are perfect, but they really come alongside us and encourage us in our growth. Now we are wanting to help with a church plant in Springville, which is where Frank and I would like to one day live. (after student debt is paid off, of course.)
ok there's prob a lot more catch up to do, but it's not going to happen tonight. Going to bed now....
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